Calling Marvel’s Inhumans ‘unique’ isn’t exactly a lie…but it’s definitely not a compliment either. It’s just a miracle we can think of an appropriate descriptive word

The Show: Marvel’s Inhumans

The Network: ABC

The Genre: Science fiction/Drama/Comic book series

The Challenge: Give a show four episodes with which to draw you in, impress you, challenge you, make you feel something deeply. Four episodes for the chance to find out if you care what happens to the characters you’re watching enough to become invested in the story. If after all that, it does none of those things for you? Then no biggie. You gave it a good shot and you can move on. But if you love it, you’ll be glad you stuck around.

The Premise: Picture the backstabbing Roman senate, kidnapped by the Marvel cinematic universe and you have Scott Buck’s Inhumans. Black Bolt (Anson Mount) and Medusa (yes, that Medusa-played by Serinda Swan) oversee the Kingdom of Attilan. They live reclusively, which rebellious brother Maximus (Iwan Rheon) opposes. Why are they the cowards when they’re genetically superior? In an ensuing, all-too-quick coup, Maximus seizes power over Attilan his family flee-to the real world. As these genetically-altered race of superhumans try to protect themselves from the hazard of, er, cars and mobile phones, Maximus and his right-hand woman Auran (Sonya Balmores) attempt to recapture and punish the escapees, whilst dealing with a formidable princess and…a giant…dog. Inhumans also stars Ken Leung, Eme Ikwuakor, Isabelle Cornish, Ellen Woglom, Henry Ian Cusick and Michael Bule.

After a destructive war between two races, the humans and the genetically-superior Inhumans, the latter live as recluses away from harm. Until now.

Triton (Mike Moh) leads an unsuccessful mission to find a newly-converted ‘Inhuman’. Immediately, it sets up the question: who is this person? Why must they be hunted in secret? And are there others?

It’s classic: pit the humans against the non-humans. Only we’re supposed to root for the inhumans this time. That task in itself is hard when Woglom’s Louise is so affable. Residing in a secret city, on the moon, the inhumans-headed up by Black Bolt and his wife Medusa-are worried humans will invade if they escape their self-destructive earth. And they’re not paranoid. Louise has already made some breakthroughs by spotting anomalies on the moon.

RELATED l Marvel’s Inhumans Trailer at San Diego Comic-Con

Therefore, it brings us nicely to the real drama. In a truly Roman-like, backstabbing coup where everyone speaks like Charles Dickens, Maximus (his name is Maximus, for Christ’s sake) manipulates Triton and now Gorgon’s death as the need for a change of leadership. In one scene, he even hacks off Medusa’s hair, rendering her powerless. By a mile, it’s the best scene of all four episodes, purely because of Rheon and Swan. It’s also the quickest coup ever. Everyone is so pathetic under these circumstances that Maximus-with no superhuman ability-claims Attilan rather easily. But surely that means our protagonists have died in the pilot, you ask?

Nope. They were port-keyed the heck out of there by the unwittingly funniest plot-device ever: a giant dog called Lockjaw.

Though a sizeable amount of time was spent in Attilan, the story lies on earth. Following unlikely bonds and friendships between humans and the inhumans, they undergo what we all do. Love, loss, betrayal, breaking the law… They’re integrating into the society that rejected them, and find that-surprise!-they can help each other. All the while, they are relentlessly pursued by Maximus and his drive for all-out war.

Scott Buck hasn’t exactly created the most thrilling group of pancakes-sorry, inhumans-but Ken Leung and Iwan Rheon impress respectively.

Remember how often Ross Gellar would be ‘okayed’ because the other Friends were funny? Think of Black Bolt’s vapid demeanour. Retry that theory. Does it fail? Yes, because the rest of the characters are terribly written too. The cast are fine. They do the best with their dire dialogue. Examples include Serinda Swan, who you always want to root for, Ken Leung’s Karnak, and scientist Louise. The best character is the villain: Iwan Rheon’s nefarious cardboard cut-out with “EVIL” stamped on. Rheon has so much fun in this he genuinely makes you forget that he’s supposed to be the tragic black sheep of the family which is what fuels his vengeance in the comics. Instead, he’s just bent on destroying everything.

But this wouldn’t be harsh without a point. When the plot is so dull, have characters to root for at least. How are we expected to root for the inhumans when they’re so lifeless? Passion clearly didn’t make it to the moon, and the flatness of their personalities renders them more corpse-like than inhuman. And then Inhumans shoves in ridiculous high-school one-liners like this:

Louise: “Yeah, I went through a short-hair phase once. New hair, new you, am I right?”

“But think how handy it is to turn people into stone with your gaze,” we wished Medusa said..

Truthfully, the effort put into liking these characters may as well go to deadlifting two hundred pounds. It’s tragically basic. The red alarm should’ve went off at the premise of a superhero story about superheroes. Even the position of them on earth seems hardly dangerous. There was conflict, politically, for about an episode. But now? Can we even try to care? And if anything goes wrong, just cling onto that big dog.

The cast deserve better than this script.

Iwan Rheon’s Maximus is the one and only key to saving the rest of the cast of characters.

Iwan Rheon’s depiction of Maximus is by far the best thing to come out of Inhumans. Ruthless and diabolic, Maximus is enjoying his newfound power of Attilan to a disturbingly depraved degree.

Maximus’ impassioned speech to the city and the brief flashback of his Terragenesis are perfect additions to the story. It shows why Maximus cares so rabidly. Otherwise he’d be pointlessly vile. And yes, the humans warred with the Inhumans. Yes, Bolt’s silent because he’d literally kill someone if he spoke. But the difference is that Maximus has a swagger. A pizzazz in addition to Rheon’s acting that makes him somehow likable.

We need more of this in the show rather than just having Rheon grinning rabidly at an evil plan. Bolt’s supposed enigma is almost non-existent because he’s so dull. Even Karnak, whose power actually makes him impossible not to pity, to truly feel for-seems like a know-it-all who studied Hermione Granger’s first year at university.

And like any show or any study, we know some sort of trigger-big or small-can affect someone massively in life. However, what Inhumans fails at is expanding on that. Just because a flashback was given, you can’t just leave a history behind like that. And it’s not like the script is too action-packed for reflection, either. The script is so full of unnecessary candyfloss that avoiding Maximus’ backstory (or literally anyone else’s) is just lazy.

Inhumans has a decent cast. There are harsher, more vile reviews out there. This one could be, too. But why, when there’s hope? Just give the actors worthy content, and you have an adaptation to be proud of-rather than a cliche-riddled mess forced onto screen every week. The true testament to Inhumans is that the cast are good enough to act as if they enjoy it.

Inhumans’ main flaw sticks out like a sore thumb: it’s a placid story about superhumans…who know they’re superhumans, and even have royalty.

They’re not faring badly over in Attilan, are they?

Still, Maximus’ argument is a valid one, because the reason they live in Attilan is because they’re reclusive. Yet Black Bolt’s relative serenity means seclusion is the solution to avoid more of his people getting killed. But how were so many getting culled when they’re superhuman? And why would an entire nation not fight back or sensibly, like any country after any war, draw up a treaty?

Then there’s the production. It doesn’t look cheap. It’s impressive, but separately. By this, we mean location choice. Together, Attilan’s nonsensical and whether that’s purposeful isn’t hinted it. It looks like a Roman town! But the interior is something they’ve borrowed from Blade Runner 2049. Perhaps it’s a message? Attilan is a contradiction?

But to criticise all the flaws Inhumans so cruelly forces upon us is baseless. We get it: they’re comics. And they’re out there. Read at will! If the premise, so well-established, is successful and completely immovable, rubbishing it is like talking into space. However, when you’re adapting it for television, it leaves greater room for error. And, luckily for Inhumans, change. Throw in some whacky character traits! Agents of SHIELD may not be the pinnacle of great television. But they had the luxury of going ‘off-script’. The same luxury as adaptations such as Wynonna Earp, The Walking Dead and even the film Blade Runner itself!

You can really see what Scott Buck has tried to do with the humans/Inhumans divide. Themes of prejudice, profiling, betrayal and power are absolute classics. But can he execute them well?

After four episodes, the answer is an unfortunate, resounding “no”.

FINAL VERDICT: Inhumans may not be the worst thing you see this year, but if you want to enjoy television, don’t do it.

If originality and intrigue captures your attention, watch Black Mirror or Halt and Catch Fire. Comedy is easily covered with the likes of Broad City and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Syfy’s invasion of shows including Killjoys brings science-fiction into modern fun. But if you want a superhuman-themed show, then, as much as the comparison is honestly annoying because now more than ever, these two should not be related: watch The Gifted.

What Inhumans needs aren’t plugs for other shows. Inhumans needs better writing. Because despite everything, Roel Reiné’s pilot was gorgeous on the eyes-especially the first shot of the island and ensuing chase. We’ve raved about Rheon, but Ken Leung is also one to watch for. He has real promise to make Kartak into someone who isn’t a walking cliche. Admittedly, even the darn dog was good, too. To have a CGI character on that level of interaction is hard. But Lockjaw looks just surreal enough to be of Attilan.

It’s the writing. Oh by the heavens, it’s the writing.

The problem isn’t isolated to plot: it spreads malignantly to the cringe-worthy dialogue. The ridiculous consequences of an action. And the single-handedly worst attempt at social commentary of segregation and exclusion Marvel has dirtied its hands with. For a production with so much promise and so many good qualities, the spectacular way it can crumble because of its atrocious writing is something else. This isn’t just a matter of “oh, Heroes used to be good and then it kind of got dull”. It’s Iron Fist…but without saving graces like Colleen Wing or the Defenders. Whatever Marvel is doing, please, please think about writing. Your audience begs you.

MARVEL’S INHUMANS airs Fridays, 9/8c on ABC.