The Royals: Top Moments of “We Are Pictures, or Mere Beasts”

A mother vs daughter fashion showdown that could only end in devastation.

A mother vs daughter fashion showdown that could only end in devastation in the latest episode of The Royals, “We Are Pictures, or Mere Beasts.” London fashion week has the entire Royal family jonesing for Alexander McQueen. As the crew prepare to take the stage, Queen Helena (Elizabeth Hurley) Princess Eleanor (Alexandra Park) engage in a war of fashionable proportions when Eleanor decides to throw a competing fashion show, on the same night as her mother’s! This showdown will undoubtedly be one of epic proportions, but with an already troubled relationship can anything healing come from this twisted mother-daughter bonding battle? Prince Liam (William Moseley)  is the path to Kingdom by accompanying his father on numerous political meetings while at the same time distracting his heart from Ophelia’s (Merritt Patterson) rejection with shots and supermodels. When the twins drown their stresses at a club, a strong-willed and intoxicated Gemma (Sophie Colquhoun) joins the fun and then drives the future King home only to lose control of the car and crash into a (too British for it’s own good) phone booth. Liam, not wanting to leave Gemma alone, is knocked out by Jasper (Tom Austen) and taken back to the palace via extraction protocol. This might have saved Liam from headlining on all the major newspapers, but also gave Cyrus (Jake Maskall) an opportunity to poke and pry at his nephew’s self-confidence as a genuinely good human being.

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Both fashion shows are a Royal success – shocker there. Just when Eleanor’s self-worth tries to go up her mother knocks her down and back to the bong by showing that she paid off the press to give her daughters show a good review. Helena proves once again that she more Queen than mother. Jasper kind of sweeps in for the rescue of a heartbroken Eleanor, the mutual love and affection is definitely growing stronger with those two. Ophelia avoided all the drama this episode by clicking with Nick, an attractive music student. Now that is a love triangle I can invest in, but before we start comparing accent cuteness lets discuss the episode.

Nick who? Liam will sure find out.

The character that stood out the most this episode was Nick, the musical hottie, that had yet to grace our screens. A love triangle between Gemma, Liam, and Ophelia took center plot last episode yet the addition of Nick makes the shape not only more complex but much juicier. The fact that Liam isn’t fully aware of him yet leaves me all the more excited for next week’s episode.

“If you get it all sorted and want to have a proper date, you have my number, good luck with the paps.” – Nick

(Anyone who says motorbikes aren’t sexy just need to watch Nick walking away holding the two bike helmets and all will be converted.)

Mother and Daughter fashion showdown.

The moment Queen Helena put her daughter into a social media desert she had to have expected war. Anytime put two headstrong women in a room together the claws are going to come out. Add the little fact of them being mother and daughter and stretchers better be ready. Eleanor looked like a Greek warrior in her black metallic rocker girl clothes, and the black light at her fashion show made the entire event. I did prefer the tunnel to the palace, luckily the punkness of the Princess edged up the Royal digs. I wanted more than anything for the Queen to admit defeat gracefully, but alas she had to once again prove superiority to her own flesh and blood. With a mother like that the turn to drugs is without a doubt completely acceptable.

“You want to call me nothing, you say I have no talent, okay I guess we will have to see. Game on Queen!” – Eleanor

Gemma’s a stubborn drunk.

The most in your face, is this seriously happening moment of the night was the car crash after the drunken night at the club. Gemma crashing into the phone booth wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but the situation very well could have thrown Liam into a public firing squad of ridicule. We can count on Jasper and his mean left hook for getting the Prince out of trouble. Life or death situations always bring out the best or worst in a character. The fact that even a drunken Gemma knew to get Liam out just goes to show the importance of the monarch’s image. Gemma will not be driving me around London anytime soon. As well, a giant thumbs down to Marcus, I mean come on letting a drunk girl drive… do your job, some protector of the future King you turned out to be.

(Shots all around)

“This is to forget Ophelia.” – Eleanor

“Who?” – Liam

“Well done.

And these are for whatever whore you wake up with tomorrow.”

Oh hello Gemma.” – Eleanor

“I heard that and I’m okay with it. Cheers.” – Gemma

Power has never looked so good. 

Liam’s attempt at gaining his fathers approval is not off to a bad start. Yes, he’s hooking up with every skank in heels he can get his hands on, but he is also showing his true moral character. After the accident with Gemma Liam’s refusal to leave the scene shows that he is a great man, maybe not the best decision for a King but on the right track. Power moment of the episode was Liam sticking it to the slimy yet pretty attractive leader of the anti-Royal movement.

“I understand what you stand for. And while I disagree with you, I didn’t come here to disrespect you. But as this is Great Britain, and you’re in fact one of its children, you will not disrespect your King.” – Liam (Yep that’s enough to make me bow.)

Family isn’t a word in the British dictionary.

Each episode the older Royals – anyone above the age of 21, or the characters who have yet to do drugs on screen – prove their willingness to stomp over “loved” ones in the pursuit of power. Queen Helena has always been the leader in family torment yet this episode showed a rougher side of the usually more controlled Cyrus. The dream sequence at the beginning of the episode gave me a bit of a scare since the act of Cyrus killing the King would not at all be a shocker. Cyrus gave the first major hint of murder potential when he pointed the shotgun barrel at his brother’s head, this latest dream of unfair sword play is most definitely a foreshadow of tensions to come. Cyrus isn’t stupid, his alliance with Helena proves that, but he is a loose cannon of sorts when under the right influence. I would not be surprised if he went after more than Liam’s sanity and choose to physically inhibit the future heir. The twins’ better stick together, with their very own family trying to knocked them down at every turn Liam and Eleanor need all the support they can get.

“You need to be better to your children. We may not always be a monarchy, but we will always be a family.” – King Simon

“It’s a little late for that isn’t it?”- Queen Helena

Final Verdict: “We Are Pictures, or Mere Beasts.” New York fashion week looked like dress up compared to London’s royally influenced shows. The growing tension between the Queen and Princess hit an all time high as Liam got a wake up call in the form of a drunk driving accident and drunk uncle argument.

The wave of energy that is The Royals has once again showed strong choices of conflict, humour, and writing. With a killer pilot, and downer of a follow up this third episode was may have well been the watch it or break it decider. Lucky for show creator (Mark Schwann) the episode delivered. Scene’s kept a smooth yet brisk pace, and intermingling story lines were entwined in just the right order. The biggest and best change up in this episode was the setting. Different locations and exteriors were featured prominently. The historically decorated palace interior is nice but one can only look at marble and 19^th century paintings for so long. The tunnel was quite the fashion show location, props to the production designers (Max Gottlieb, and Martyn John). When the light reflected off of the golden lions I was overcome with radiance. Every dress featured in that show was bathed in a glow of gold, the result: breathtaking.

Speaking of clothes could a fashion lover ask for a better episode? Alexander McQueen’s assistant better have tuned in, the highlight King Simon moment was his disdain towards his brother when told Cyrus would be dressed in designers suits. Princess Eleanor’s passion for rebellion was displayed front and centre in all the edgy pieces she displayed. Every shot of her in the tunnel contrasted beautifully with the weathered brick as well as the distinction between herself and the more regal Queen.

Fashion may have taken centre stage yet it was the directing style and camera movements of (Nick Dance, and John Rhodes) that upgrade the shows from day to primetime. Use of split screen has never looked so fabulous, and the arty model close-ups were composed off kilter enough to be featured in Vogue. The all out this is how you end an episode moment was the use of the family photo. A family photo is, in itself, a two dimensional representation of a family at their best. The very fact that this family is arguably at its worst but putting on a two-faced smile is the exact why a family photo is the perfect symbol for The Royals. Each characters disdainful sideways graces to each other before flash up said a thousand words in regards to future conflict and personal state of being. If the end of this episode didn’t pump up fans then they better re-watch.